I?ve been waiting for this book to come available for several months. The waiting list at our library was in the twenties. When I first heard of Bringing Up B?b? by Pamela Druckerman I had just finished reading The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women by Elisabeth Badinter. Badinter, a French woman and mother, wrote her account as a criticism of naturalist philosophies of childrearing that often consume a mother?s time and create unparalleled strains of guilt. In most cases she applauded the slow influence of these ideas in France, but wondered how long the French mothers could resist the pressure. When Druckerman?s book came to my attention I was intrigued to hear an American mother?s perspective on French child-rearing. I hoped it would be an interesting balance though their topics and approaches were not directly related.
?Bringing Up Bebe? by Pamela Druckerman
Turns out, there are some distinct differences in parenting approaches. Druckerman introduces her inquiry by relating a story of taking her toddler out-to-eat. At the time? I was reading this Hubby and I had just experienced exactly what she described:
Bean is briefly interested in food: a piece of bread, or anything fried. But within a few minutes she start spilling salt shakers and tearing apart sugar packets. Then she demands to be sprung from her high chair so she can dash around the restaurant and bolt dangerously toward the docks?.Our strategy is to finish the meal quickly. We order while we?re being seated, then we beg the server to rush out some bread and bring us all our food, appetizers and main course, simultaneously. While my husband has a few bites of fish, I make sure that Bean doesn?t get kicked by a waiter or lost at sea. Then we switch. We leave enormous, apologetic tips to compensate for the arc of torn napkins and calamari around our table.? (pp. 1-2)
As this scene unfolds she manages to glance around and makes a quick observation: the french children in the restaurant aren?t throwing their food or pitching fits. They seem to be distracting themselves quietly and waiting. And the parents are eating courses in stages. Druckerman was flabbergasted (as I would have been) and started sleuthing around to discover their secrets.
Druckerman lives in the suburbs of Paris with her English husband and, by the end of the book, three children. She started her investigation of French parenting techniques with her first and continued to learn after her twin boys were born. At times I found myself empathizing and agreeing with her commentary on American ideals and approaches; other times I found myself squarely in the French camp. I totally understand her ambivalence about letting her five-year-old take a 10-day field trip without her, but I don?t have a problem giving my daughter a firm ?no? when need be. I can relate to giving praise and ?good jobs? to Little E when she successfully accomplishes a new task, remembers her manners, or just generally behaves, but I agree with firmly establishing a bed time.
There?s always a bit of blur when examining parenting approaches ? and particulary with a task as enormous as representing a national consensus on the subject ? every one does it differently and the individuality of the child factors in as well. Still, her anecdotes, interviews, and analysis of French attitudes toward feeding, discipline, day care, losing weight, sleeping through the night, and post-baby marital bliss are compelling and challenging. At each point I considered, ?Huh, what do I think about that??
There are a few ideas and approaches that philosophically I can agree with and may even try with Little E or any future children (I will definitely be attempting to get Hypothetical Child #2 to ?do his/her nights? by 3 months ? after suriving a child who, at 17-months is still not consistently sleeping through the night, I will make a strong effort to avoid a repeat). There are a few that don?t mesh with my parenting attitude ? I understand we don?t need to smother our children with attention, but I couldn?t help thinking (all the way through the book) ?When do they play with their children??
All in all a good read. It started to read more like a research paper (still interesting though) in the middle, but the stories were integrated well in the beginning and end. Druckerman does an excellent job of providing her own experience as well as including examples from other intercultural couples and?wide range of French mothers.?It provided me with a different look at parenting and informed my understanding of Badinter?s concerns specifically. A good read for moms, intercultural parents, or book clubs ? there?s plenty in here to enjoy, consider, and debate.
Source: http://readingtoday.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/book-note-bringing-up-bebe-by-pamela-druckerman/
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